my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
