the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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