Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
