we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
