Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
50% drunk capacity currently
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
