I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
this just has baby written all over it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
