What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
