i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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