Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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