your thong is hanging out like whoa
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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