this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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