She's JV to your varsity
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
