Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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