I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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