He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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