I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
