connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
