wrigley field is MILF paradise
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
