I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize