I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
