where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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