Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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