As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
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going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
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No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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