her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
