idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
