Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
