This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
