So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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