I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
