She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
