a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
