i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
