Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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