Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
