Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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