yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize