I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
