the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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