I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just had sex on a roof
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize