All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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