I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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