I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
