There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My bed smells like the plague
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
jump out the window naked night went bad
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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