Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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