4 words: hood of his car
It was confusing and full of hummus
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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