Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
