Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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