Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
