I hate all girls vehemently.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
