Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I haven't been this sober since birth.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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