hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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