I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
