I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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