This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
