if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
