Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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