I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
