can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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