she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
