question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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