I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
