Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
