I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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